Kicking and Screaming All the Way to Prayer

If you know my 3 year old daughter, you’d know that she has little doll that she affectionately calls “Baby” .  We don’t go anywhere without Baby…to sleep, to the store, to the bathroom….you get the picture.  She loves that doll, and I’m pretty sure she’ll be sleeping with that thing when she’s 25!  

Last week while I was standing in the kitchen making dinner, I heard Chloe who was sitting on the couch start saying, “I can’t find my Baby.” At first I just assumed she was looking for it and went about my business, but her simple statement turned into to crying and whining about not being able to find her baby.   I poked my head in the living room and asked if she had looked for it - perfectly logical question right? This set off a royal screaming fit about how she couldn’t find the baby even though she was still just sitting -now laying and kicking- on the couch.  I looked around and lying right there in the kitchen in plain view laid the baby.  I of course tried to get her to calm down and stop throwing a fit (btw she’s a pretty typical 3 year old, but this was not usual behavior for her), and asked her if she had looked in the kitchen.   The crying fit only intensified! 

At this point I started to really find the whole thing comical and wanted to see how long she would keep this up.  I kept simply asking her to look for it and giving her the huge hint that she should look in the kitchen.  All she had to do was sit up, look and walk 10 feet to get it!   

In the middle of this I had a strong sense that God wanted to teach me something through this and I started asking myself:  “What am I kicking and screaming about?”  

 One of things that I hear often is that people long for intimacy with God.  Whether it’s just for a sense of connection with God, direction for life or specific circumstances, refreshing, or empowerment most us long to feel like we have an audience with our Creator. In my own life I can tell when I’ve not had much time for resting and abiding in “the Vine” -  I worry more, become short-tempered, lack perspective, begin to feel burned out  and burdened.   And when I get this way I start throwing a spiritual temper tantrum.  I kick and scream internally about why I don’t feel connected to God or hear his voice while not changing any of my habits or patterns of life.  Meanwhile, God has been giving me an open invitation to communion with him.  The reality is he wants a relationship with me more than I desire to seek him.  While I’m sitting there complaining about what I want, God has all along been calling me to get up and seek him.  And more than that, He’s shown me how and where to seek him!

Jesus had a clear pattern of escaping the crowds regularly for prayer.  Whether it was before a big event in his time on earth or just a part of his daily routine, we see Jesus modeling for his followers how important conversation with the Father is to our existence. It is interesting that this didn’t simply happen, but Jesus took initiative in carving out time for these private conversations with the Father.

Now, I have to be honest, it seems a little silly and not very cool to be writing about something as simple as making time for “quiet time” and the importance of prayer. Even just writing “quiet time” make me my skin crawl and eyes roll. But prayer one the most important things we can do for ourselves and others, yet its one the most neglected aspects of our lives.  I don’t believe that the goal of existence is to have a  30-60 min quiet time each day.  Instead we should be cultivating a heart and mind that are increasingly becoming aware of what God is saying to us and what he is doing around us- a state constant prayer.  But we have to start somewhere.  Every spiritual giant and prayer guru you can think of started with intentionally setting aside times for conversations with the Father.  I dare you to find someone who you think is truly dedicated to following Jesus who hasn’t figured this out along the way.

So what’s the problem?  Why do we throw emotional and spiritual fits because of lack of intimacy with God when we know the remedy to the situation can only be found in responding to his call for communion with him? I think there are two big reasons:   First, Many of us would say that we are too busy or don’t have time.  What this really means is that we haven’t quite figured out or experienced the value  of regular times of prayer.  We don’t view it as something necessary for our soul and we don’t realize how much the Father desires this time with us.  Thus, we haven’t ordered our lives accordingly.  This issue is not time, but value and priority.   Second, for many others they have tried over and over again to develop a pattern and lifestyle of prayer and found it to be frustrating and unfulfilling.  Instead of feeling refreshed we end up feeling like a failure or like God’s not holding up his end of the bargain.   I can’t tell you how many times I felt this way and I know I’m not alone.  However, the problem isn’t that we are spiritual flunkies or the God is def and dumb….it’s that most of us have such a limited view of what communing with God looks like.  Our expectations and tools to engage in real spiritual intimacy are limited and so we end up abandoning the very thing that our soul longs for.

Here’s the deal- there are many different ways to pray and certain styles fit our personality better than others.  Some of us are more emotional and firey or reflective and contemplative; some of need help focusing while others need to let our imaginations run wild; some of us need candles, music and dark room, and others need to be outdoors or in public spaces.   There are so many different ways places to pray , and I’m afraid that we all miss out by either doing the same things all the time or not being attentive the unique ways God has designed us to commune with him.

And one more thing most Christians don’t want to admit:    Sometimes God is silent.  Sometimes prayer feels more like discipline and talking to angry spouse through a closed door.  I don’t particularly like those times of prayer.  But Perception is not always reality.  It’s in those times when I tend to really develop character and conviction. God is usually speaking to me through other circumstances or means in my life and prayer is place where I take time to slow down and reflect what God has been up to.  It doesn’t always (read rarely) end on spiritual high, but my times of prayer make me more alert to what God is doing in me and around me.  More often than not, when I really since God is saying something to me, it comes not during a time of prayer, but after as I go about the business of life in obedience to things I know he’s called me to do.

So where does lead us.  Over the coming weeks I’d like to share some simple practices that may help you stop throwing spiritual temper tantrums and do the thing that your heart longs for.  In the mean time, I wonder:

Does any of this resonate with you experience of prayer?

What helpful tips can you offer to others who desire intimacy with God, but don’t where to start?

What is Lent and Ash Wednesday?

Ash Wednesday is the day Christians all over the world kick of the Lent season. Lent is a forty day period where we reflect and examine our lives in preparation for the Celebration of Easter. The idea is that we pray and ask the Lord to reveal areas of weakness, sin, distraction, etc. in order to more fully appreciate significance and need of Jesus’ death on the cross and celebrate his victory in resurrection. It is traditional to fast or give up something of significance during this time in order to prepare our hearts, minds, and bodies to respond the Holy Spirit’s prompting. Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the season as we place ashes on our foreheads as a symbol of repentance and solemn commitment.

Reading:

The following passage is the traditional foundation for celebrating the Lenten season. Take some time to read it a few times and ask God to speak to you as you read and reflect.

Luke 4:1-13

Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the desert, ² where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry. ³The devil said to him, "If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread."

⁴Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone.'" ⁵The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. ⁶And he said to him, "I will give you all their authority and splendor, for it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. ⁷ So if you worship me, it will all be yours." ⁸ Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.'" ⁹The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down from here. ¹⁰ For it is written: "'He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; ¹¹ they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'" ¹²Jesus answered, "It says: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'" ¹³ When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him until an opportune time.

Prayer and Reflection:

After taking some time to reflect on the passage above, you may want to use the following questions to guide your prayers. These are just some questions to get you thinking about what God wants to say to you in this season. You may want to pick just one of these questions that really jumps out at you. Make sure to write down anything your feel the Lord reveals to you in this time.

Ask God:

What do you want to see done in and around me during this Lenten season?

Reveal to me any lies Satan has led me to believe about myself, God, or other people.

Am I depending on anything other than You as my source of provision, truth, encouragement, and salvation?

Am I putting any other cares, fears, loves, or needs of my heart above Jesus and his Kingdom?

Is there any part of my heart that is not fully submitted to God’s call and purpose on my life?

I am rebelling against or attempting to manipulate God to suit might needs?

How do you want me to move forward to deal with these areas in my life? How should I respond?

Follow Up: Giving Up and Taking On

Use this time of prayer and reflection to help you plan out what you will do during this Lenten season. There are many ways to respond, but most people find it helpful to observe Lent by giving up something that they feel is dulling their awareness of God's work and purpose in their lives. So, take some time now and think about what you might put aside for the next weeks to make space for God's work in you. You may also find it helpful to take on something new- like spending more time in with neighbors or being more generous with your time or resources. Whatever it is, make it purposeful!

Post What You're Doing

Feel free to post on this blog whatever is you are going to be doing (or not doing!) during Lent. It's great to share this with others to be held accountable and get ideas. You can post anonymously or by name.

Friends, Community, and Being There for the Big Moments

Over the last two weeks I’ve been reflecting quite a bit on the role of true friendships and community in my life. This was precipitated by a close friend of mine from college having a heart attack (he’s doing ok now!). This event set in motion a number of our friends posting hilarious memories and pictures from our college days on his Facebook page to try and lift his spirits. For me this set off a flood of memories- not so much about the events of the past, but the people with whom I share those memories. My college days were a microcosm of my life: a mix of extreme joys and deep pain. I traveled the world, made and played music for lots of people, made great friends, met my wife, but I also lost my first love, was betrayed by friends and people I trusted, doubted my faith, witnessed disease and death in loved ones, and lost my way for awhile. All of this nostalgia about that period of my life has expanded to reflecting on the whole of my life and the people who have been around for my best and worst times from childhood to today. Not to diminish any of my other friendships and acquaintances, but the people who really stand out in my mind are those who have experienced the true heights and depths of my life. They’ve seen me at my best and worst. They were a shoulder to cry on, an ear to fill with frustrations, people I could laugh with and not be conscious of my dumb smile, friends who were just as excited and happy about things that I wanted to celebrate as I was. These people made these important events in my life that much sweeter and that much easier to handle.

However, the opposite is certainly true. There have been plenty of times in my life, when no one was there. I was left to celebrate myself or morn alone. The lack of someone with whom I could share these moments made the “highs” less high and “lows” much lower. There’s a certain amount of this to be expected in life. Sometimes there’s just stuff that no one else will ever know about you. You can tell people why you love this song or hate that painting, why that moment meant so much or hurt so bad, but no one can experience that for you. And, sometimes it’s healthy just to process the important stuff in life by yourself and not feel the pressure of expressing it to anyone else.

The problem is that the older and more disconnected we get, the more we shut people out of these big events in our lives and the less we are open to being there for others. Life gets too busy. We become more guarded. We get pickier about our friends. We’ve got counselors to talk to. We’ve got spouses or kids to pay attention to. Whatever the reason, it seems we are less inclined for true friendships and community as time passes.

Yet, the big moments on life keep coming. Today the first three posts in my Facebook news stream were all big events: someone was celebrating getting the job of his dreams, another remembering the anniversary of a brother passing, another celebrating the anniversary of coming to know Jesus. Other friends have recently found they were expecting a new baby, started new business ventures, lost jobs, started grad school, and the list goes on The big moments keep coming and only get bigger, I think.

We’ve all got excuses and reasons for the lack of friendships and community in our lives, but what are we missing out on? What are we robbing other people of? How much sweeter would those celebratory moments be if we had a real group friends to celebrate with us? Friends who have cried us with and stood beside us in defeat.

I think there something is missing in our lives if we don’t have these type of relationships outside of our immediate families. The scriptures have a lot to say about baring other people’s burdens, as well as, morning, weeping, rejoicing, and encouraging those around us. We have a fundamental need for community. Where there are needs there are opportunities. We have chance to experience the love of God through other people. Moreover, we have the chance to demonstrate God’s love to people in real and tangible ways. If that’s the case, this is more of an obligation than it is mere opportunity. We don’t get to take a “pass” on sharing God’s love with people- not if we really care anyway.

Don’t get me wrong; community is messy business. You’re likely to get hurt and hurt other people from time to time. As long as we live on this side of the New Creation pain comes with territory of human relationships. But isn’t it worth it? Isn’t it worth the chance to be the one that brings comfort to someone in pain? Isn’t it worth putting yourself out there so that when you really need it, someone is there for you?

So here’s the challenge: pay attention to what’s going on in the lives of those around you. Make much of the big moments in the lives people. Comfort. Celebrate. Laugh. Cry. Ask questions. Be there. And in turn, be open to letting other people into your world. Then, just see what God can do in and through you. God chooses to work in the world in many ways, but most often he shows up in the context of our human relationships. Will you be part of that plan? Will you commit yourself to experience all that life throws at you in real friendships and authentic community? I will.